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Don’t Miss Her

If someone says they love you but they’re not around to give you that love, do the words mean anything?”

First off, I never said I loved her. Second, I had to leave. Couldn’t stay. Needed a trade, a future. She could have come with me but the unknown scared her. I knew when she found someone else. Her voice was different. She didn’t complain. She listened to my rant about Jarrod, how he set me up to take the blame for his mistake. She didn’t interrupt, or tell me that she didn’t want to hear about my stupid job and when was I coming back to work in town. I stopped mid-sentence, told her good bye and that’s the last I heard from her. I don’t really miss her. I miss what I thought I had. The meaning of the days hanging by the river, sitting on the rocks, the noise of the water giving us privacy to talk about everything. How we rolled into the water making out and she lost her phone. She would have been in a world of trouble but I gave her the money for a new one. It just meant I’d have to wait a little longer, work a little harder to buy a car. She didn’t know then that the car was my ticket to get out of town, take the job Gary offered me. She probably would have thrown the new phone in the river if she knew that. I guess it all worked out anyway. We didn’t break up. She gave up. If it happened then, it could happen even if we were together, right? Maybe or maybe I’m just being too hard on her. We were just kids with lots of dreams. She dreamed of marriage. I dreamed of a house. Bet she has her dream. I’m living in my car.

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