What do you do when an avalanche of thoughts pours down over you? It leaks out of my eyes but I don’t brush a single tear away. They will go away. I will not give in to the emotions trying to wrangle me.
I am a man who has escaped the jaws of a lion; the same beast that grabbed my father and threw him down. But did I escape? Accidents happen, shit happens, that’s what everyone says, like it’s nothing. Nothing if it isn’t you at the head of the ‘blame line’. But then no, my dad wasn’t to blame. Was he? His self torture is now streaming into mine but I’ve come to a place where my guilt doesn’t hold me captive and I dare say it’s the calm acceptance from a dog. Dad had no Roady, no rescuer, only the bottle.
I picked up that bottle, jumped in it like I could lose myself in its depths. Why was it my first choice? Will it be my first choice next time a crisis hits? Have I learned anything? Is it possible to learn how to outrun a lion? I hear a soft whimper and see Roady staring up at me.
To understand the context of this post read Roady Series “Cost of Lost” Episode 18. Binge READ Episodes 1- 18 by choosing the category- “Roady Series” – Find it in the drop down “menu” at the header of this blog.
This post is fiction based on the back story of a supporting character in a novel in process by Clare Graith. See ClareGraith.com for more info about the author.